How emotional engagement can power up your relationships
Have you ever felt like your conversation is too shallow? The conversation you are having is going no where useful? Are you aware of how are you leading the conversation or whether you are being lead in the conversation? Do you feel you want to make an emotional impact in the conversation?
Have you ever felt like you want this woman to be attracted to you but you don’t know how to do it?
This article will show you some of the tools and techniques to create emotionally charged and engaging conversations.
We were Engaged
In 2007 I was engaged to my other half — Helen. I was madly in love with her. She filled my heart with joy, happiness and laughter. Her smile used to have a ripple effect on my heart. If I was feeling bad or had a miserable day I would think of her smile and it made me feel much better, it made me feel comfort and happiness. Her smile was the best treatment. We were head over heels for each other. Years later I discovered it is very rare to find reciprocal love that is energized both ways. Very rare. I used to watch all these love stricken movies, like Romeo and Juliet, Titanic and I could never understand the feeling of deep powerful love. When I fell in love with Helen it felt like I was the richest man in the word, I was content, happy ecstatic. I knew later how the feeling that the actors portray in movies and what it meant. The love I felt was beyond incredible. Years later I discovered that deep intense love has many risks on the relationship. Out of love sacrifice is born, out of love, hatred is born and out of love vengeance is born.
The Shock in my Reality
The biggest risk in any relationship is that it can all be over in an instant. We all spend days and weeks nourishing our relationships, improving them, taking them to new levels by creating new shared experiences together, and that bond strengthens over time. We all know that at any moment it can end but we choose not to accept that.
After a year and a half with Helen, after announcing our engagement party to our families, after looking forward to spending our lives together, we had a fight. It was that one big fight that took a chunk of my heart with it. That fight that leaves an open wound that feels like it can never heal. I remember in martial arts training, I will take physical pain due to injuries over emotional pain any time, any day, because physical pain can heal. Emotional pain from a broken heart — you never know if it can heal, and you cannot take any pain killers for it, the pain is always there, the only treatment is time and you hope that you can recuperate from it.
“That fight that leaves an open wound that feels like it can never heal”
We could not resolve the fight and so it ended the relationship. It was one of the most devastating moments in my life. After that I went into a vortex of hatred and anxiety. “Out of love hatred is born” — is a powerful true statement that I experienced first hand. Partially I blamed myself, and after a few months, I took a vow that I will never allow myself to go through that ever again in my life. I didn’t know if I can handle it again. So I went on a journey of discovery about attraction and relationships. I discovered a new rainbow that illuminated my eyes about relationships and how to maintain them.
Finding my Rainbow
“You do not have to have money, nice cars, a six pack to attract women of beauty.”
I went through a journey of discovery which consisted of endless research on relationships, attraction and seduction. I subscribed to Psychology Today magazine, I researched online about successful relationships. I subscribed to online forums about seduction and attraction and asked many questions about relationships, I shared my break up story and got feedback from the community. I was desperate for clear answers, but they were not always there. I then stumbled on a book called “The Game” by Neil Strauss which was a ray of sunshine into my dark eyes. It was a wake up call that there was a clear answer. The book was based on a true story and it convinced me that you do not have to have money, nice cars, a six pack to attract women of beauty. You did not have to be a Hollywood star to attract models and actresses, it helped, but it was not necessary — this was a key point. The book provided real life stories of normal average men who were able to attract and seduce Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and other celebrities. The best part about it was that there is a skill that any guy can learn to implement and become successful with women. Many people dismissed the book that it was just hocus pocus, that it would not work in real life, however I discovered otherwise.
Behavioral Scientists — the Experts
The book “The Game” was based on a true story of an average looking writer, Neil Strauss who was asked to cover a story about seduction artists known as Pick Up Artists — PUA’s an underground society of professional seducers. Neil then joined the PUA community and became one of the best seduction artists in the world and he later launched his own training academy to help men build their confidence in attracting women of beauty. It was an awakening experience for me and I shared it with some of my friends. Experienced Pick Up artists (PUA) or seducers learned the hard way and created their own systems to teach other men how to apply it to boost up their confidence and be able to attract and seduce high caliber women. The majority of average men have a limiting belief, that they cannot attract a beautiful woman like a fashion model for example, and they don’t feel confident doing it so they don’t even try to do it. This limits them from opportunities in attracting women of high status and that leaves them frustrated and with low self esteem. Low self esteem can have a huge risk on someone’s personality, as these men would get into self sabotage behaviors like stalking and addiction.
Enlightenment
I shared the book “The Game “ with some of my friends, and we decided to apply some of the techniques, the results shocked us. The techniques actually worked successfully and we decided to apply everything in the book. Most people who read the book just dismiss it as non-sense, but the key point is how to implement the techniques and in what situations. There are certain techniques that must be applied in specific situations knowing this is a huge advantage in your game. We then started to apply the techniques in other cities like London, and Dubai again with great success. We then took it a step further and signed up for Training Boot-camps. The trainings were designed to give you high self esteem in attracting women of high status. The training was three days that consisted of theory and in field practice with experienced instructors on how to approach, interact and lead women of high caliber beauty. It included techniques on what to say and how to say it when approaching attractive women. Growing up we had no idea about this.
During my discovery journey I read many other books on the subject, which covered evolutionary psychology, NLP — Neuro Linguistic Programming, marketing & sales. I discovered that there is direct similarity between attracting beautiful women and corporate sales. The techniques are very similar in nature and if applied the right way you can win the sale even for high ticket items.
The Magic of Conversation
Have you felt like your level of conversation is too shallow. That you are not able to get into deep emotional connections when in conversation with women. Are you trying to have an emotional impact in a conversation but finding it very difficult to do so?
As per psychologists experts from NLP — Neuro Linguistic Programming, conversations have two levels:
- Surface Level
- Deep Level
In the context of attracting women, Surface Level is when you talk about everyday things such as “Hi! How are you doing? What drink are you having? “
Surface level conversations do not have emotional engagement in them. They do not connect on an emotional level, they are like the everyday conversations where the woman says “Hi, I’m doing great” and when the conversation is over, she will never remember you.
Deep Level conversation invokes an emotional connection. It stimulates the woman’s emotional circuitry and engages her feelings in the conversation because you made her feel something different. In the PUA community and the trainings I attended we focused on Deep level conversations in order to create emotional engagement with women.
Here is the conundrum, you have to start at Surface Level and then move into Deep Level conversations. If you start at Deep level and skip the Surface level it will look weird, and you may be perceived as a stalker, weirdo, creep and so on. So you start off the conversation with a Surface level question in the first minute of the interaction, and then state Deep level statement that invokes her emotional circuitry.
Within Deep level there are degrees:
> 1st Degree,
> 2nd Degree
> 3rd degree level
For example sexual conversations with a woman are 3rd degree of Deep level because they invoke the most intimate part of a woman’s personality. Second Degree would be when talking with a woman about her past relationships, what caused the breakup and things along those line. First Degree is when you are talking about emotional experiences such as the best food she tasted, or if she did extreme sports such as bungee jump or sky diving. First Degree and Second Degree both create emotional connection, the
Third Degree creates an even more powerful emotional connection because the feelings she experiences when talking about those are more intense and sensual. The analogy in psychology is when you peel the onion. The first layers of the onion are not very intense, but when you go deeper and deeper and peel the deepest layers the intensity of the scent becomes stronger and hurts your eyes and fills them with tears.
Examples
Deep Level — 1st Degree:
You: “What is your favorite food cuisine?”
Woman: “Oh I love sea food, I love all kinds of it, I can have it all day.”
You: “Including lobster and prawns”
Woman: “Oh absolutely”
You: “last week I went to this new sea food restaurant, and tried their lobster. It was to die for. Super delicious, they had freshly picked lobsters, cooked to your preference. You can tell them you want it medium spicy Thai style, or lemon style, or grilled with mild spices or Mediterranean style with light spices. I had it mild grilled Thai style, it was insanely delicious. Every bite the spices would drip from the bite. And the lobsters are large and full, you can pick smaller one if you are not that hungry also. I wanna go again next week, you should join me”
Woman: “Wow, it sounds delicious, definitely”
When you explain the sensation you create an emotional connection which she feels, in this case something that she liked, and she felt the experience in because of the way you described the taste of the lobster. She associates these feelings to you hence — attraction towards you.
The next time you are in conversation, notice are you at Surface Level or Deep level. If you are at Surface level take it up a notch and introduce a Deep Level topic, and see how it changes the vibe in the interaction. You will notice the woman being more engaged with you, she will look deeper into your eyes, and will most likely ignore her phone if it rings. The more fun and emotionally engaged she is in the conversation the more attraction she will feel towards you.
I’m working on publishing my book “Double Your Success in Relationship” where I talk about all the techniques that I learned over the years and I reference them to sales. You may apply these techniques to elevate your success in existing relationships or help you create new meaningful emotional relationships in your life. I will post a like to register for the book, where you will get a 15% discount for the first 200 people who sign up.
Thank you for your time, have a great and safe day :-)
